An Accomplishment Journal Is The One Daily Habit I've Bothered To Keep

It’s not that I haven’t tried others. Waking up at 5am. Running a mile. Doing 100 pushups.

It’s just the reality. I've always had trouble starting and keeping any kind of daily habit. I’ll have a good two-week run if I’m luckily, reward myself with a day off and then it all collapses.

But last week when I flipped through the Moleskine hardcover I specifically purchased for this ritual recommended by my coach and saw that I had 6 months of consistent entries I was pretty blown away.

It's simple: Every night I task myself with remembering 4 small things that went right that day and writing them down. As someone who has been historically really good at finding what's wrong with a situation, I've found this practice to be invaluable for training my brain to focus on the positive.

Even if I miss a day or four, I always make sure to go back and fill in the highlights - from the big to the very small. Career related or personal.

Here’s a real-life example:

ACCOMPLISHMENTS

  1. Went to Speedplay workout

  2. Caught up with artist friend at brunch

  3. Worked on writing and vocals for new song

  4. Grocery shopped, made meals for the week

It can be plain, sometimes painfully mundane. But it works.

Since I’ve started the practice, I’ve become more aware of my tendency to find the fault in everyday things - the crack in the wall, the mispronounced word, the dirt under the fingernails of life. And while that attention to detail has been helped me succeed in many ways, it also hindered my happiness. Allowing myself to be grateful for the highlights (in spite of, or even because of the imperfections) is making me better human. More pleasant with myself and with other people.

Here’s to celebrating the little things.

Are You Okay? And Why It's Okay if You're Not

My mom called me up the other day: “Are you okay?,” she said.

There was a little bit of drama in her voice. I chuckled the way I do whenever I’m trying to diffuse some tension inside of me. I revert back to my 17-year old self when we speak on the phone. 

Still laughing I said, “Uh yeah, I’m okay. Are YOU okay?"

We’ve been checking in on each other like this regularly since my father passed away last Fall. Actually, today marks exactly one year since we got that particular call. I appreciate our check ins, yet every time it’s got me asking deeper questions. Questions like, 

  • What are we really aiming for when we ask each other, "Are you okay?"

  • When I say I’m okay, am I really? And if I’m not, is that…okay? What else can I say?

  • What do we do with all this information anyway? 

Over the year I've posed the same questions to my friends, many of whom are reeling from the state of world affairs, income instability, mental health struggles, and digital media fatigue.

Through that process, I’ve come to 3 conclusions about my own preoccupation with okayness:

  1. It's okay to not be okay. For me it’s all about self examination and acknowledgement. It's about recognizing when things are not okay and that they haven't been okay for a while, and that it's normal. It's about knowing that there's an actual reason I've been drinking cheap champagne for lunch on Mondays and hiring a personal trainer to force me out of bed on Tuesdays. Everyone deals in a different way. Some times we clean every corner of the house and other times we let the weeds outside grow to Jumanji-like levels. It’s okay to not be okay. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't seek help of loved ones, trained professionals, or healers.

  2. Not being okay is an opportunity to learn and to grow. I'm highly skilled at numbing and self-medicating now. Not so much at sitting in my emotions or celebrating them. What if I took a different approach and ventured to shift my perspective? This is where talk therapists and coaches can really help. Being honest with ourselves is the first step. Taking action is the next. 

  3. I won't fix you, but I can support you. Supporting each other is about allowing the other person enough space to really be honest with themselves without fear of judgment. Imagine if the next time someone asked “Are you okay?” you simply could reply with an “I don’t know.” Maybe it would feel more real? Take the pressure off? Maybe it would open the door to a deeper conversation. The likelihood of any of us truly fixing each other's problems is a zero, and generally an unfair unnecessary ask. Just listening, allowing that pause for reflection can be enough.

It’s okay to not be okay, and we can be it together.

18 Ideas For Fresh Energy in the New Year

The first quarter can encompass some of the most motivating, active, and stressful days of the year. It's tempting to attack every dark, cob-web laden corner of your life with a full overhaul, but both experts and personal experience say you're better off taking it one small step at a time.

Here are some tips to inject a little energy back into your routine.

The following list is meant to be more of a buffet than an 18-course meal - just a few ideas that can be implemented in small portions to get you to a refreshed state of mind and build momentum for the year, which is still young.

1. Restart your computer. Then install a wrangler for all your browser tabs. 
This free Chrome extension automatically closes your tabs after a set amount of time (trust me, you won't miss them - and even if you do, there's an easy way to recover them).

2. Delete / clean up the apps on your phone screen

3. Turn off notifications from Instagram and Twitter. Initiate an unfollowIng spree on Facebook.
Yes, I'm under 40 and still on a personal Facebook regularly. If you want a cleaner feed with less distraction, no one else has to know. Quietly click the unfollow button on a former high school classmate, and you'll still remain friends in case either one of you decides to reach out for a substantive catch-up. Repeat the process with others you've lost touch or interest with and soon you'll have a completely blank slate.

If you're looking for a real shortcut, use this genius Chrome extension: 
News Feed Eradicator For Facebook

4. Begin a daily gratitude practice.
Gratitude reminds us that we have agency - the power to interpret the outcomes of our lives in a way that's useful.  I've begun writing down 3 different things I am grateful for every day, on paper or in the notes of my phone. I try to make 2 of these things something small that I'd usually take for granted, like ankle socks (in the summer; crew socks in the winter).

5. Write down a list of your fears.
On one side of the paper you'll have a list of everything that stops you in your tracks. Now flip it over and write the counter argument to each one of them.

6. Freewrite for 20 minutes, stream of consciousness style.
As a bonus, schedule a freewriting session with another artist.

7. Challenge yourself to write down 5-10 new ideas per day. 
They could be creative concepts or business plans, as long as they're something you haven't dreamed up before.

8. Find a therapist or life coach.
Good news -- it's no longer corny to have a life coach. A professional athlete would never train without a coach because their performance is serious business. If you're serious about life, could it be the same? 

9. Make and share a playlist.

10. Sign up for a class or course. 
Yoga, Painting, Flute, Breakdancing, Coding, Sex-Positivity.

11. Respond to an email that's gone unanswered for over 6 months . 
You'll be surprised what comes back. I've successfully picked up meeting plans that had stalled over a year prior.

12. Schedule a family activity.
Make it a monthly thing.

13. Book a solo trip.
Day-trip or a week overseas, some time in a new place on your own is a great way to shift your perspective and get aware of your trigger points.

14. Make amends. In person, by phone, or by letter that never gets sent.

15. Make a contract with yourself and sign it.

16. Set aside half a day to grab groceries and prep meals for the week.
As an addict for take-out and delivery, I can say that cooking has become a meditative experience for me. I appreciate what I eat much more after prepping the ingredients by hand, and save a lot of money in the process.

17. Take a cold shower.

18. Buy a plant for your home, office, or workspace.
Something you can take care of. Snake plants are among the toughest and nearly impossible to mess up.

Have you tried any of these out? What new habits or practices are you building in 2018?

I Went Back To Work

We watched, we gathered, we scrolled, we marched, we cried, we drank, we smoked, we prayed, we wrote, we cast blame, we asked all the whys and hows, we lay buried underneath pillows of anger, self-doubt, and fear.

To know that all the hashtags in the world could not save us from a moment like this.

Of course for someone like me, it hurts like hell. Yet the feeling is not unfamiliar.

Gratefully today the sun rose as it usually does in Los Angeles. Light poured through my narrow windows and I got up out of bed. I made the bed. I cleaned up the empty take-out boxes and took out the trash. I put on my running shoes. I texted my mother.

I went back to work. Because now more than ever, I'm reminded of how truly significant that work is.

Keep developing, creating, loving, and caring for one another.

This message from Michael (@mikesteezie) offers some sound advice (full text embedded below):

Be good, every day. This is the most important piece. Open your minds, close the divide, and recognize that we need each other. There are many people who voted for Trump who do not actually believe in the divisive traits he represents. Many people are lost and simply lashing out at those who, in their minds, hate them. As these insecurities inevitably unravel throughout his presidency, we must be ready to receive with open arms. So while we fight, we need also to love. Love, every single day.
Don't invest your time and energy in anger, shock and fear. Invest it in people and things you believe in. Invest it in yourself. Become better, regardless.
Be good, every day.