The last few days I’ve been away on business with way too much time in my thoughts. Nevertheless it’s been a good opportunity to review what’s important for me to simply notice (and not necessarily to judge as right or wrong):
The tone in which I speak about a person, place, or thing. My words often try to hide a feeling that my spirit just can’t.
I say it’s casual, but my nervous laughter says it’s serious.
I say I’m content, but with the added signature of sarcasm or sadness, what is it that I really mean?
Luckily when I’m not keen to tune into my real voice, good friends have always been there to hold up a mirror. So when they ask me what’s really going on behind my self-scripted program, I get to replace the denial with the truth.
What happens to my body when things don’t go my way. Although I’ve ID’d myself as a citizen of the world - always quick to find my groove in foreign places - recently not so much. Simple things like the time it takes to get seated at a restaurant or my struggle to read or pronounce literally any word in a place’s native tongue as been throwing me for a loop. My chest tightens, breath shortens, and I then realize it’s all about control (or my lack thereof). Even if it’s just for a second, it’s worth noticing that I’m not as evolved, as zen, or as patient as I once thought. More importantly, it’s an opportunity to be real about my shortcomings, forgive myself, and continue working on them delusion-free.
How many (and what kind of) excuses I can make in a day. I’m sitting in a new place thinking of all the possibilities.
I could create something significant here, but I haven’t figured it out yet.
I could ask a local for a recommendation, but I don’t want to look stupid.
I could reach out to someone I haven’t seen in ages, but they’ll think I’m weird.
When you’re alone with your thoughts you’re bound to come across a lot of bullshit that simply doesn’t make sense - except to keep you aligned with your current perception of reality. I’m learning to be honest with myself about my attachment to the way things are vs. the way they could be, if only I’d get out of my own way.
What do you find worth noticing these days?